Remember
You are all that which you seek
It’s been a big and long month. A month of remembering—who I am, what I want, and where I’ve been.
There’s a sickness in my belly where a quiet fire has been attempting to grow. This fire wants me to honor it, to see it, to love and nurture it. It is the seed of my desire. It is the gnawing ache at night that beckons for my ear and heart. It is not the “I” of my doing self, it is the seat of my I am-ness, that which is beyond my thinking mind.
It is the one that covers and conceals itself—revealed only in the most honest moments. It is the fire that ignites my heart and keeps it beating when all else has stopped. Too often I become the dimmer of my own lights. Too often I tamp my fire with sand and water. Too often I turn away from its call.
What might it be like to not simply know myself, but to move towards myself? What would it be like to answer the call of Self in every moment with the faith of a greater Knowing?
The idea of such a life sparkles in my imagination, but feels a swirling dream in the sternness of my reality—in the overshadowing power of addiction and old patterning.
I suppose that is what drives my searching and seeking. My fire refuses to be put out no matter how many times I kick at its foundation.
Why do I look at my own inner desires, my deepest longings, with such distrust and distaste? What story of self hate have I spun around myself to believe so adamantly that I don’t deserve that which I long for most? What collective stories, new age myths of industry and success, have we all taken part in telling ourselves and one another? A world characterized by a cloak of lack and self doubt.
Where has our permission gone—the permission for radically personal behavior, for a deeply expressive I am-ness. We mask and conceal ourselves out of fear of being driven from the tribe. We shut our mouths, and with it our truths, so as not to stir the pot of status quo.
The rain does not ask permission, nor does it apologize, for falling. Roots do not wither at the sight and force of heavy concrete poured. No, they seek only the porous gaps of sunlight into which they can emerge. Through crack and rubble they reclaim their space as sovereign beings owning their right and desire to live, to become.
A bird does not question its song, nor a zebra its stripes. The fierce huntress claims her prey without apology, but knows well her fill.
There are no other beings quite like us in this world and yet we are not separate from that which resides all around us no matter how much we are convinced otherwise. The fire that stirs in the belly of a young sapling, aching and yearning for open sky—for a heavy trunk, solid roots, and budding blossoms—is the same fire that burns in your heart and center.
Why do I effort so much to tell myself otherwise—holding myself back from my own reach? Perhaps, in this modern day, the concrete of society’s stories has been poured over our roots. Perhaps we all feel laden and heavy, burdened by that which has come to be in this world. Perhaps that is our shared story at this time, but the one that will unite us in a common rising.
What would it be like if each one of our fires burned as bright and fierce as they desired? What would it be like to throw off our self laden cloaks of fear and doubt to tell the world what we really want? Can you imagine a world of liberated beings? Can you taste its essence and purity? Can you hear its song and call?
The echo reverberates through the wood, through the cliffs and mountaintops, streams and brooks—on every rise and crest of the sea.
Stop. Pause. Listen. The whistle of your becoming sits atop the wind
Journal Prompt: What would you do in your life if you knew you would not fail?
P.S. Thank you so much for being here. I hope you enjoy these reflections and prompts. I hope they inspire you to carve out some time in your week to listen to the sounds around and within you.
As I continue to venture through different travels and containers this newsletter continues to shift and evolve. At the moment I’m not recording any video practices along with my reflections, but I hope to return to that in December so be on the lookout!
I just finished assisting an Embodied Flow 200hr Yoga Teacher Training in Bali and in two days time I fly to Japan to perform at a small music festival. From there I will be traveling and exploring some parts of Japan before settling down on the souther island of Kyushu for a ten day dance residency.
I’m glad to have you along for the journey. As always feel free to comment or get in touch if you’d like to know more about my one to one work which is always available via online sessions.
Wishing you all the best on your journeys wherever you are, which is always exactly where you’re meant to be.
With warmth and gratitude,
Leo
Love the fierce truth telling here